I grew up in a family where the parents had had some difficult times in their childhood and while they loved us, their children, very much; they had difficulty getting away from their own needs to meet ours. My father was raised Lutheran, by the time I was of the age of knowing much, I didn't see that it made much difference in his life. My mother was immensely afraid and tried to control her life (and her children's lives) in order to conform to an ideal. I think she thought that if everything went RIGHT, she would feel safe and happy. She did not like most religions because they required her to give up some control. She was often very angry at us and the world because, sigh, in the end, one does not have much control over either children or the world. :)
I became a follower of Christ when I was 16 because I knew the life I was living (being afraid that I would do something to get someone - usually my Mom - mad at me) was not one I wanted to live long. I had a high school buddy who did not seem to have my problems and she was blatantly Christian. I told her I wanted to be like her and she said, "Then you will have to become a Christian". So I did. I received a peace in my heart that said, "No matter what, you are loved unconditionally". I don't remember too much else happening in terms of changes in my life, I just felt free of fears for the first time ever - and that was amazing.
Since then, I have been learning what it really means to follow Christ. To get to know Him, What He likes, what He doesn't like, His jokes, what He is serious about.
Since my 20s, I have been mulling over what it means to live out the following verse.
"I have been crucified with Christ, and I live; yet no longer I, but Christ lives in me. And that life I now live in the flesh, I live by faith toward the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself on my behalf."
In my 40s, I added another verse to help focus me in the choices I make.
"The Spirit of the Lord is on me, because he has anointed me to tell the good news to the poor. He has sent me to announce release to the prisoners and recovery of sight to the blind, to set oppressed people free, and to announce the year of the Lord's favor."
These verses help me know what is important about my days, my years and my choices. My husband gives me so much strength and love but he does not choose for me. My cancer struggle impacts me, but does not define me. In the end, all will be thrown at Jesus's feet; the chaff burned up, the joy, love and peace polished up. With this I am content.